My Response

Rather than finishing up my the posts I started two weeks ago, I have decided to instead respond to a comment left by someone. If you would like to view the initial comment please direct your attention to the eighth comment down on this post. Everyone, please feel free to respond, and if you do decide to comment, it would be great if you could do it here. 


I will finish up my post about Gender, Sex, Language and Respect next week before Passover starts.

Anonymous-

I have not received such a critical remark before, and even though I am hesitant, after some thought I have decided to respond publicly. I will treat this comment with respect, even though I feel I wasn’t given the same deference. 

In your comment, you make two different arguments. You first try to make a connection between girls not being funny and their divisiveness in the bunk, compared with the boys who you think are funnier, due to their cohesiveness as a bunk. You use examples about the girls such as, “tended to have more drama,” and “they formed smaller cliques and often, in groups of three or four, gossiped about each other.”  Where about the boys you say, “exhibited a stronger group dynamic,” and “we sat as an entire bunk and respected each other.” Secondly, you personally attacked me by saying that “I think [I’m] and expert, because I read a couple of article on heteronormativity or feminism,” and I should “reconsider [my] unfair, scathing criticism of boys at Yavneh.”

I would like to start my response with three examples from my own experiences on Kerem staffs. Just as yours don’t, these examples shouldn’t be taken as a universal indicator, because our differing experiences at camp are relatively limited, and generalizing either way isn’t fair. This past summer, one of the most drama-centric situations that I had to deal with happened in the boys bunk. There were two groups of friends that, whether the members of each group admitted it or not, divided the bunk, and caused unnecessary strife and hurt feelings. It turned into a joke, but it wasn’t. The joke was used to cover up the resentment that they had for each other. Collectively they would never admit it, but in one-on-one conversations, they told us that it deeply affected them. Because they were boys, they were not allowed to be labeled as “cliquey” so the issue was largely ignored, but if the same exact situation happened in the girls bunk, it would have received a lot of attention and generated extensive discussion to remedy the situation.

Second, this past summer, the exact opposite situation that you described – boys hanging out in the bunk lounge and girls hanging out in cliques - happened. When I was in the boys bunk at night, you would have a few boys scattered around the bunk, a few in the lounge, a few on a bed, etc. Some were loud and obnoxious, trying to pull pranks on sleeping campers. Conversely, when I would visit the girl’s bunk, almost every single one of them would hang out in the lounge together, before heading off to bed. The boys in this case were disparate; the girls, cohesive.

Finally, back in 2006 and 2007, I distinctly remember many instances when my boys did anything but respect each other. I remember when one camper came to a counselor crying because of a deeply personal and inappropriate criticism of the size of his penis. I remember a situation when one camper got so mad about a prank pulled about candy bar, that it took several lengthy conversations just to calm that camper down so that he could talk rationally. And I remember the tasteless, shameful, and downright ridiculous conversations about particular girls in the ayah. In all of these situations, where was the respect?

Neither your examples nor mine should paint a picture of what boys and girls bunks should look like. Every aydah works differently, and to pretend that you know what happens across the board is quite ignorant. When I built my argument, I sincerely tried to gain some perspective on the dynamics of the girls bunks. My comments and criticisms of the status quo are based on things that I’ve observed, discussed, and seriously considered.

I don’t really see your connection between cohesiveness of a bunk and being funny. Let’s not pretend that boys sit around the bunk giving constructive criticism to their standup comedy routines. I believe that boys are taught that they can only strive to be one type of person. With comments thrown around like “You’re so gay,” or “Don’t be such a pussy,” the idea that anything that deviates from the heterosexual, alpha male, is undesirable and gains momentum. The cohesiveness that you claim is in the boys’ bunk only goes against your theory of respect. If it does exist, it is only because of the lack of respect that molds boys into one particular type. If I were gay, I certainly would not feel comfortable living in the bunk.

It is also clear that every bunk/aydah/individual is different, and these situations arise on both sides, but the bigger goal is to create a camp environment in which cliquey/abrasive/demeaning behaviors are minimized or handled effectively and equally regardless of sex.

Your second argument, that “I think [I’m] and expert, because I read a couple of article on heteronormativity or feminism,” is ad hominem, plain and simple. I'm not going to play the "let's swap credentials game," because that's silly. You’ve completely missed the point I’m making by focusing on my worthiness and authority to make an argument at all. This is about encouraging people to think reflectively and openly confront each of our roles in making camp a more respectful place. I hope that you, along with many others, can join me. In doing so, though, we have to abandon the tendency to attack others. We have to insist upon respectful dialogue.

Thank you for posting this and sharing your opinion. It has helped confirm to me the necessity of what I am doing and made it explicitly clear that this post on gender issues at camp has merit. Individuals at Yavneh and the camp community as a whole must take this issue to heart, see beyond their own two eyes, self-reflect, and realize that they are not perfect.

Making Camp a Safer Space: Sex, Gender, Language, and the Value of Respect (3/4)

Beyond individual KTV skits or songs, sexism is sometimes built into camp traditions. For the past few years, for example, our camp has had an annual Powderpuff football game. Superficially, Powderpuff seems to challenge traditional gender roles, with boys cheerleading while girls play football. But if you look deeper, three aspects of the game suggest that the tradition reinforces, rather than challenges, gender norms. First, the boys mostly treat it as a joke. They are dressed up as female cheerleaders on the sidelines (more on this below) and laugh when the girls playing do something stupid or wrong. The mindset is one of entertainment rather than serious support. Second, boys still retain the power. Who coaches? Who runs the practices? Who sets the plays? Who makes all of the decisions? As with grilling, male campers retain the power to grant special, limited access to their otherwise all-male world of football. Finally, the boys’ dressing up emphasizes the notion that in order to be cheerleaders, they have to feminize themselves by wearing girls’ clothes. “Real” boys still cannot be cheerleaders. I say all of this to point out that that if you delve a little deeper, it’s not difficult to recast the ritual as sexist and offensive.

In its current form, Powderpuff is not a game that should happen at Yavneh. What can be done? A first simple step is to get rid of the name. Powderpuff in general has negative associations. Why can’t we just call it girls playing football? Does it really need a special distinction? Second, I would advocate for girls to play football often and early. Assign girls football in kfirim, and have an experienced female counselor lead it. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but learning the rules, and playing the game is a fun alternative to kickball. In addition, let’s have more sports games where girls from different aydot can play against, and with, each other. It happens all the time for the boys on Shabbat, why can’t it for the girls as well? In fact, on Shabbat, boys should be a lot more actively inclusive, because there are usually little to no opportunities for girls to play sports. and Finally, I want to challenge the girls and their counselors to care about taking ownership of Powderpuff. Let’s have female coaches who run the practices and design the plays. Boys are not the ones playing the game. The girls are.

Even more serious than Powderpuff, though, is the lack of respect that male campers and counselors sometimes give to the girls and women at camp. I have already given a few examples of this earlier, but one more example particularly sticks out for me. I remember distinctly sitting in the roshes’ room, brainstorming with a female rosh aydah about how she could be and act more authoritative. She said that whenever she would tell a certain male camper what to do, that camper would either laugh at her, or completely ignore her as if she had no authority to discipline him or any boy campers. Furthermore, she described how the male madrichim did nothing and refused to step in and back her up. She hated how she had to go to her co-rosh for things as small as telling kids to be quiet during Birkat Hamazon. Such a status quo is unacceptable, and we can start to change it by expecting male madrichim to set an example by respecting female roshei aydah. If they do not, they need to be dealt with and spoken to every single time. By passively standing by and watching a Rosh discipline, counselors are not actively doing their jobs.

It is somewhat ironic that I spent the last few pages of this blog entry only addressing boy-girl subjects but advocating against heternormativity. Camp is and will continue to confront issues of homosexuality and transgender. Right now, the policy at camp leaves much room for improvement. It certainly is not an easy subject to create rules around, but camp needs to have a policy that does not hurt, discourage, demean, or ruin any campers’ experience because of the way they identify. In my opinion, campers can and should be expected to be accepting and inclusive. However, this is not to say that there is even a good option of how to handle these situations. Often times, home and school life for these kids can be even worse, and they look forward to camp as a place to go to get away from it all, just like everyone else. However, when it comes down to it, if you identify as anything that isn't purely straight, is camp going to make you feel accepted, both explicitly and implicitly?" I think the answer is a pretty definitive no. We need to figure out how to be a place that is accepting of everyone and eliminate our heteronormative tendencies.

Making Camp a Safer Space: Sex, Gender, Language, and the Value of Respect (2/4)

Alright, everything is back up and running.


I will resume the schedule that I stated last week. 


Thursday, April 7th 
Tuesday, April 12th.


Once again, sorry for the delay.


Continued from Last Week:


As stated in my introduction, the way in which male campers discuss girls, and the underlying bunk culture that is cultivated, is quite inappropriate. Worse though, male counselors most often ignore or even participate in such conversations.  Counselors at camp are supposed to be role models and mentors.  That being said, it is completely unacceptable for them either to ignore or actively perpetuate such language and attitudes. Camp does try to institute policies and instruct counselors how to handle these situations, but often, the counselors either ignore the training or actively defy it.  Furthermore, if counselors are ever confronted about their participation (or willful ignorance), they often dismiss these conversations as “typical boy talk” and say that the kids don’t actually mean it.  To me, this response is unintelligent and insulting. How many times have I been told that a girl has no place to write anything for KTV because she isn’t funny? How many times has GK been asked to leave late night BBQs for supposedly infringing on the boys’ personal space and for stealing their food? How many times have I heard that the boys “run the aydah,” are its leaders and stars, and the girls play no role in shaping the aydah’s character or presence? Is this “typical boy talk?” Furthermore, does its being “typical” make it any more acceptable?

All of these comments reflect notions of sexism, superiority, and exclusion.  The first comment about KTV is a problem of essentialization, in which Kerem boys assume that girls are, on a whole, inherently unfunny.  Again, here it’s worth recalling the gender/sex introduction.  To make these categorical assumptions about men, women, and humor is to conflate sex with gender. The comment about leaders of an aydah relate to excluding women from holding positions of importance in the public eye.  The BK boys believe that they retain the exclusive privilege of allowing or denying GK girls access to rituals, spaces, and leadership positions that are considered highly valued in camp life—KTV hosts, BBQ grillers, etc. Yes, girls commonly take on the more active leadership roles in Maccabiah and Zimriyah, but so do boys (take me, for example). On the other hand, girls are rarely the ones to fall into the untraditional leadership roles in the public eye during the summer.  As a result, girls may gradually come to think that they can’t be funny, or a make a killer hamburger on the grill.  Gender expectations, reinforced by campers and counselors around them, help define their own opportunities.  Male madrichim, the vast majority of whom were once campers and Kerem themselves, enable this behavior under an ostensible commitment to “tradition.”  Unfortunately, sometimes traditions are undeniably sexist and must be modified, if not done away with altogether, for the sake of equality and respect.

I think it is important to note that, camp has certainly made positive, impactful decisions with regard to policies and protocols of respect. First, over the past ten years, camp has begun to strictly enforce a no-raid policy that prohibits reckless and inappropriate behavior. About ten years ago, boys would raid girls’ bunks, violate their space, and even steal their underwear. Now, there is a zero-tolerance policy regarding raids. More recently, Yavneh introduced a worthwhile program in which social workers facilitate real conversations with the older aydot in bunk discussions and discuss gender and sex issues. They are certainly not 100% effective, but any positive conversation is a step forward.

There are, however, three main areas that still need to be addressed: the public and private degradation of women, the reinforcement of confining gender roles through particular pe’ulot, and general lack of respect toward female campers and counselors. I will address each issue within the context of three separate extended examples.

Back in 2007, as most of you know, I was a Kerem counselor.  For KTV, a few of my male campers decided to create a dance to the song “Rotzeh Banot” and to perform it in between acts. It was a wild success.   Looking back, though, it’s embarrassing that my fellow counselors, upper staff, and I allowed this song to be played in front of the whole camp. This song, which is about a man trying to pick up women at a bar, is disrespectful, objectifying, and completely out of sync with the values camp supposedly endorses. The song starts with a list of women he wants to take back.  The singer doesn’t really care who she is, so long as he gets at least one woman. Toward the end of the song, he says, “Fortunately, God created the right hand,” and goes on to say that he thinks about the same girls when he is masturbating, because in the last line of the song he sings, “Because in my imagination, they all want me.”[1] The message of the song is that women were created for men for the sole purpose of sex, and it is this sense of entitlement throughout the whole song that is most troubling.  Now, I don’t particular care how popular the song was, or anything like that, I just want to ask the reader a legitimate question: is this the kind of song we, at Machaneh Yavneh, should be playing for Gurim kids? For Kfirim kids? For Kerem kids? How can we teach respect when we sing about objectification and treat sex as a game, or competition to prove one’s masculinity? That’s right, we can’t.

To be fair, over the past few years there has been increased awareness about issues of gender and respect for KTV. Members of upper staff have been actively monitoring all of the chosen KTV songs and make sure the content and skits performed by Kerem are appropriate. Yes, it is completely unacceptable for a song like Rotzeh Banot to fall though the cracks, but in general camp has done a good job.

Aside from preventing kids from singing Rotzeh Banot type songs on a stage, how else can we, as male and female counselors combat this degrading sentiment? It is extremely important not to be afraid to be assertive in those trickier situations.  Do I think that a Kfirim girls’ counselor should take away all of her campers’ Seventeen magazines? No, definitely not.  But maybe, instead of just having a "Terri Talk" about how little self-esteem girls have, maybe we could engage these extremely thoughtful 12-year-olds in a discussion about how magazines, movies, and other forms of media help promote messages of unattainable perfection.  Maybe we could also talk about the type of words we used in the bunk, or the Chadar Ochel, or when we were picking out Shabbat clothes, and how that might make things better/worse.  I think counselors are sometimes scared to confront these things so they either pretend they don't exist or deem them "inappropriate" topics for conversation. They're sensitive issues and need to be talked about with extreme care and discretion, but that doesn't mean they should be avoided or ignored.

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[1] All of the song translations came from http://smart.fm/goals/36938?ul=en

UPDATE

I am sorry to inform all of you that due to some complications, I am unable to upload the second out of four blog posts today. Please check back later this week, and hopefully I will be able to post it.

Look for a Wednesday or Thursday posting.

I would also like you to know about the fact that if you don't want to have to remember to come to my blog to read it, you can give blogspot your email, and they will email you the post whenever I update my blog. I promise you, there is no spam attached to it, I have it set up for myself as well.

Thank You to everyone who reads my blog, and I am sorry about the inconvenience.

Making Camp a Safer Space: Sex, Gender, Language, and the Value of Respect (1/4)

This is post one of four. The next three will be published:

Sunday, April 3rd

Thursday, April 7th

Tuesday, April 12th

This post was inspired by conversations with and a large part written by, Rebecca Suldan, a longtime Yavneh attendee from Baltimore, Maryland. She is currently a Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies major at Yale, who will serve on the board of the Yale Women's Center next year, and organizes Cookies and Tea, an informal discussion group for Jewish women on campus. She helped me write this piece because as much as she loves camp, she wishes that at times, it could be a safer, more inclusive space. You can reach her at rebecca.suldan@gmail.com with comments or questions.

DISCLAIMER: First, due to the nature of this post (and the next three), I would like to reiterate that my views and opinions are mine, and mine alone, and do not reflect those of Camp Yavneh. Second, the issues I will discuss are in no way unique to Yavneh, or camping in general. Finally, please do not take this post out of the context of the rest of the mission of my blog. I love camp. Period. Even though it is not perfect (as I will highlight) I still feel 100% comfortable being there and potentially sending my kids there as well. In addition, please direct your concerns and questions to either Becca or me, (even though the entry is written from my perspective) and remember, what I say here is an attempt to highlight places for improvement at Yavneh, not carelessly criticize with no objective in mind.

I would like to start off with a story from one of my summers at camp. My bunk was having the ‘beginning of the month’ meeting, where the counselors and kids go over bunk rules. As is typical for older bunks, the counselors guided the conversation but let the kids suggest the rules. One kid raised his hand and said, “We all know how we were last year, guys.  We have to respect our girls.”  Having heard this line before, the rest of the bunk agreed, with the exception of one camper.  He responded with something along the lines of, “Just by using the word ‘our,’ we imply possession of the girls.”  At the time, his bunkmates dismissed his comment as a mere technicality and a typical thing for this camper to say. I, too, didn’t really give it much thought then, but as I think about it now, his remark strikes me as spot on. “Our” does imply ownership.  In this case, the boys assumed that the girls in the aydah were theirs to take and use at their whim, and that they alone could decide whether to use them or not. One might argue that I’m reading into this single word too much.  In response, though, I’d say that anyone who has walked into a Maalot or Kerem boys’ bunk at night knows how disgusting the language that the boys use while talking about girls can be. When girls find out about these conversations, they often become upset or embarrassed – and rightfully so.  In using such language, these boys, most often aware of its hurtful and objectifying nature, exercise control and power over female campers.  They exercise the “right” to define, label, and judge them.

Before I continue, let’s step back for a moment. What is the difference between boys and girls? Sex? Gender? Both? At camp, issues of gender and sex play an enormous role in structuring interactions among campers, counselors, and staff. It’s worth clarifying the difference between the two terms.  Sex, on the one hand, is biological—hormones, chromosomes, genitals, and genes.  Gender, on the other hand, refers to the social and cultural patterns of behavior, identity, and attitudes.  Gender is acquired and learned. Boys are not born with a “Tonka trucks gene” and girls with a “Disney princess gene.”  In the past century, we have come to think of gender as something that is not fixed and immutable but rather as something constructed.  Instead of saying, “All boys like sports and all girls like clothes,” or, “Boys are hornier than girls,” we might ask, “How are boys and girls taught and socialized to behave and present themselves differently?”

That is not to say that gender is irrelevant or unimportant.  Under our society’s current construction of gender, men and women are still expected to dress, think, and behave in certain ways according to prescribed gender roles.  Boys may not be born with a “Tonka trucks gene,” but they are considered deviant if they choose Barbies over action figures.  Likewise, girls who are too aggressive, also challenge what is expected of their gender.  Gender roles are often especially confining in regards to romantic or sexual encounters, which are often discussed in the context of a “sexual script.”  According to this script, boys who hookup with lots of girls improve their reputations and social standings, whereas girls who are sexually active risk earning the “slut” label.

This all being said, I know that we have made much progress in the past hundred, fifty, even twenty years. Still, much work remains

The point of this extended introduction is to provide a lens with which to examine issues of gender, sex, and sexual encounters at camp.  To what extent do both counselors and camp traditions reinforce these essentializing views of boys and girls?  To what extent is camp perhaps not a safe space for those exploring their sexual or gender identity?  How can the counselors and staff collectively be a proactive force in creating a safe space for all campers?

Finally, I know that camp dynamics are shaped in great part by a larger American culture, and that it is incredibly difficult to prevent all gender norms and sexual scripts from having an influence. No single rule or program will be able to change the way society as a whole thinks about gender and sex.  Admittedly, camp is not the place to change the world in this regard … but it can be a better place for campers for the four or eight weeks they are there.  Camp should and must be a safe space, regardless of campers’ gender. Too often, however, this safe space is challenged and undermined by the words and actions of other campers and counselors, and by a few of the programs and policies of Yavneh itself.  Hopefully, in addressing these problems, we can work on improving both camp policies and our own individual behaviors and attitudes.

Color War and More.

The Maccabiah Lie

I have always found it funny that counselors and Kerem are able to convince younger kids at camp that “Maccabiah is not happening this year.” I remember in 1999 there was a water shortage, and Kerem said that there would be no Maccabiah that year because there wasn’t enough water. In 2000, there was too much rain, and Kerem said that there would be no Maccabiah that year[1] because there was too much water and the cesspool was going to run over. Guess what - Maccabiah happened both years and it has happened every year since its first year of existence,  in the 60’s. It is a time of competition for every possible skill at camp, the biggest leadership opportunity for Kerem, and the culmination of the summer. I could not imagine a summer without a Maccabiah, it is just one of those things that must happen in order for camp to end. In fact I have never heard of a normal summer camp that does not have a color war. Most camps use 4-6 teams in their color war (in fact I have not heard of another camp that uses only two, but I could easily be wrong). Usually the teams are colors (hence the name color war) but often you will have teams at other camps called the ‘red dragons’ or the ‘blue bombers’[2] to give them their own identity. Camp Yavneh, as we all know, uses Hebrew words with deep Judaic meaning, for the team names. Once you are in Kerem, you realize how much revolves around the team name that Rabbi Dov chooses for you: songs, tekes, shelet, cheers, and obviously rekah. This is basically everything that earns points. Machaneh Yavneh cares about Jewish education, and this is clearly demonstrated by the point allotment. Usually other camps do color war anywhere from 1 to 4 days. Yavneh does it for 5-8 days depending when Tisha Bav is that particular year.

My point is after seeing how our camp’s “color war” compares to that of most other camp’s, I think Maccabiah says a lot about the character of Yavneh. As long as Yavneh is still running, so too will Maccabiah. And a note to all current/future Gurim and Kfirim campers: when they say there is no Maccabiah, they’re lying.[3]

What are some of the ‘secrets’ of pre-Maccabiah breakout that I can reveal?

So much emphasis is placed on Maccabiah breakout and what follows, but there is so much effort and planning that goes into it even before the initial “there is no Maccabiah this year” rumors start to surface. As a camper I always had a lot of questions when it came to  behind the scenes of Maccabiah. Here are five questions (and answers) that I always wondered about.

1.     Who picks and writes the songs for Lechu Neranenah, and who writes Tekes?

a.     This usually depends on the roshes. I think the most effective way to pick and write songs is to use a committee comprised of both roshes and non-roshes so that no one has “special say” because he/she is a rosh. Other teams just have a rosh or two decide and don’t let the rest of the team help out.

2.     Where are the team shelets made?

a.     Ceramic room.

3.     How are the team mascots decided and where do they find so many stuffed animals?

a.     First, the aydah brainstorms different types of pairs, and through a vote, the winning pair is chosen. Afterward the mascots are usually decided by a coin flip. Finding them can be a little harder. Before the Internet, it was probably a lot harder to find such obscure mascots. Nowadays, Kerem finds them on the Internet and they are shipped to camp.

4.     When Kerem says, “We fought for everyone on this team,” is it true? And are the teams created by  a draft?

a.     I don’t want to say all the Kerems in the past have been lying when they say the fought for everyone but it certainly is a bit of stretch.  First of all, the team splits do not even slightly resemble a draft. This is how it works: the counselors divide their bunk into team A and team B, noting which campers are good at sports, singing, acting, dancing, intelligence, and enthusiasm. In addition, siblings of members of Kerem are taken out of the overall list and matched up with an equal, so that they can be guaranteed to be on their Kerem siblings’ team. This list is handed over to the Kerem so they can discuss the strengths of each team. If the Kerem is diligent enough, they will know each camper and figure out what he/she brings to the table. When the time comes, Lisa Rubins facilitates a coin flip for each bunk. The team that wins the coin flip gets to choose either team A or B. There certainly is a lot of fighting for individuals especially if the Kerem think that one team is stronger than the other. But overall it is a fair system where almost every camper is looked at and discussed.

5.     Does someone actually keep score throught Maccabiah or is the whole process rigged in favor of a predetermined winner?

a.     There is no question that the answer to this question is yes. Scott Rubins keeps score. I have seen with my own eyes the Excel spreadsheet that Scott uses to tally the points. This is how the scoring system works: the shoftim record the results of a particular game, give the score card to Scott in the office, and he enters in the data for the points. The victor is decided by points not by a theoretical coin flip.

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[1] Kerem 2000 really did not want to do Maccabiah. Supposedly they protested.refusing to organize it, and had to be convinced to run it.

[2] I just made these up on the spot, but they sound real, right?

[3] Kerem 11- Feel free to use this as an excuse for why Maccabiah is not happening this year.  I think it would be funny and ironic. 

Best. Kerem. Ever: Part 2

Before I begin, I would like to note that we set a few records this past week (besides the very first week):

Most views in first hour of posting: 92
Most views in a day: 301
Most views in the week: 824

Nice.

Second, if you see on the right side toolbar, we are fast approaching 10,000 views. If you happen to be that 10,000th view, screen capture it for me, and let me know. I will give you a prize of some sort.

Contiuned from Last Week:

4. Comparison Bias

As much as people say that you go into the summer with a clean slate, this unfortunately is not true. The new Kerem will be a) already be stigmatized from previous summers and b) constantly compared to the previous Kerem. If you were ‘bad’ or ‘good’ in previous years, people will be looking out for you to continue on that trajectory. If were preceded by a ‘bad’ or ‘good’ Kerem, you will either be helped because anything you do will automatically be better, or handicapped because you are constantly being compared to the previous Kerem. In addition, the following year’s Kerem can have a retroactive effect on how the previous Kerem is perceived. If the current year’s Kerem is very good, then Kerem the previous year - which might have been average - loses ground. If the current Kerem is bad, then the previous Kerem now all of a sudden looks better than ever.

3. Passion/Performance

Did your aydah do well at Zimiryah? Did your aydah have a great Maccabiah? Did your aydah rock the play? Do you inspire those unforgettable Shabbat experiences, all the way from Kabbalat Shabbat to Zmirot to Musaf? Did your aydah create fun and memorable peulot for the other aydot as well as an off-the-charts Yom Carnival? Did your aydah cry their eyes out at the end of the summer (that’s a stupid question, every Kerem does)?  For you to be a great Kerem, you need to be able to answer yes for all of these questions. You need to show everyone that you care and you pull through each and every time – always in style. You exceed expectations and ‘rock out’ in the process because you can and because you care.

2. Leaving a Legacy-

All Kerems are passionate on the last day of the summer. However, the more interesting matter arises two years later when that Kerem has the opportunity to become counselors. What is their “return rate”? And, how excited and fixated are they about their own Kerem? This, ultimately is the reason I think that Kerem ‘04 is perceived as a very good Kerem; it’s not necessarily because of what we did, it’s because we came back in droves and we were obsessed with ourselves more than most other Kerems.[1] I would tell who ever asked me that Kerem summer was my best two months of my life, that everything throughout the summer was amazing, and I would glorify my Kerem’s contributions to the camp. I think this was the common mindset of my fellow Kerem-mates, and I think generally it was believable. Other counselors might find this annoying (which they certainly did), but at the same time, kids, who rarely find their counselors irritating, listened to the slanted views of Kerem ‘04 members and started to believe them. And the younger the kids are, the more inclined they are to unfalteringly believe what they’re told. In the end, the more counselors go back and continue to go back, the better the Kerem appears to be.

Now, I am not trying to say that my Kerem summer was not amazing, and that the “legendary Kerem ‘04” is exactly that – just a legend. However, upholding a legacy after the summer is a great way to be remembered for being a fantastic Kerem.

1. Care about the Campers

Many people often forget this notion, but I would say it is the most important thing that a Kerem can do for camp. Kerem has to show love and appreciation for the younger campers. As much as Kerem’s role is about having fun, it is about being leaders for the camp and the campers. I don’t care how many inappropriate ‘crazy’ times you’ve had in your bunk, at the end of the day, you better make sure that Jimmy in Gurim is having a good day. This past summer as Rosh Kerem, every time someone told me that my campers did something great for one of their campers (this actually happened many times a week) I always told them to actually tell the particular Kerem kid themselves. Kerem, more than anyone else, deserves the recognition when they do the small things, and affect individual campers’ lives. As a Kerem rosh, I was much happier to see my kids positively influence other campers than I would have been to see my kids win Zimriyah. Ultimately, it is the Gurim kids (and all the younger aydot) that will either glorify or dismiss a Kerem. They don’t care if you win Zimriyah, they just care if you help them have the greatest summer possible.

...

After all of this, I still sometimes think about something that ELi Aroesty-Cohen once shared with me about the Kerem summer:

“It's not about who's the best. It's about who's having a great time. I prefer to think of Kerem's impact on the individual level. ’The best Kerem’ does not really exist. Each camper will form a bond with their Kerem and that can eventually lead them to see that aydah as being the best Kerem ever. Kerem is used to drive the atmosphere of the camp. They can make each individual and aydah feel great about themselves and the summer.”

I agree ELi. The kid who has the best summer is the kid who had the most fun. Kerem is only a vehicle to help every camper achieve this goal.

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[1] I think we legitimately had the right to be because we were a very solid Kerem.