I will resume the schedule that I stated last week.
Thursday, April 7th
Tuesday, April 12th.
Once again, sorry for the delay.
Continued from Last Week:
As stated in my introduction, the way in which male campers discuss girls, and the underlying bunk culture that is cultivated, is quite inappropriate. Worse though, male counselors most often ignore or even participate in such conversations. Counselors at camp are supposed to be role models and mentors. That being said, it is completely unacceptable for them either to ignore or actively perpetuate such language and attitudes. Camp does try to institute policies and instruct counselors how to handle these situations, but often, the counselors either ignore the training or actively defy it. Furthermore, if counselors are ever confronted about their participation (or willful ignorance), they often dismiss these conversations as “typical boy talk” and say that the kids don’t actually mean it. To me, this response is unintelligent and insulting. How many times have I been told that a girl has no place to write anything for KTV because she isn’t funny? How many times has GK been asked to leave late night BBQs for supposedly infringing on the boys’ personal space and for stealing their food? How many times have I heard that the boys “run the aydah,” are its leaders and stars, and the girls play no role in shaping the aydah’s character or presence? Is this “typical boy talk?” Furthermore, does its being “typical” make it any more acceptable?
All of these comments reflect notions of sexism, superiority, and exclusion. The first comment about KTV is a problem of essentialization, in which Kerem boys assume that girls are, on a whole, inherently unfunny. Again, here it’s worth recalling the gender/sex introduction. To make these categorical assumptions about men, women, and humor is to conflate sex with gender. The comment about leaders of an aydah relate to excluding women from holding positions of importance in the public eye. The BK boys believe that they retain the exclusive privilege of allowing or denying GK girls access to rituals, spaces, and leadership positions that are considered highly valued in camp life—KTV hosts, BBQ grillers, etc. Yes, girls commonly take on the more active leadership roles in Maccabiah and Zimriyah, but so do boys (take me, for example). On the other hand, girls are rarely the ones to fall into the untraditional leadership roles in the public eye during the summer. As a result, girls may gradually come to think that they can’t be funny, or a make a killer hamburger on the grill. Gender expectations, reinforced by campers and counselors around them, help define their own opportunities. Male madrichim, the vast majority of whom were once campers and Kerem themselves, enable this behavior under an ostensible commitment to “tradition.” Unfortunately, sometimes traditions are undeniably sexist and must be modified, if not done away with altogether, for the sake of equality and respect.
I think it is important to note that, camp has certainly made positive, impactful decisions with regard to policies and protocols of respect. First, over the past ten years, camp has begun to strictly enforce a no-raid policy that prohibits reckless and inappropriate behavior. About ten years ago, boys would raid girls’ bunks, violate their space, and even steal their underwear. Now, there is a zero-tolerance policy regarding raids. More recently, Yavneh introduced a worthwhile program in which social workers facilitate real conversations with the older aydot in bunk discussions and discuss gender and sex issues. They are certainly not 100% effective, but any positive conversation is a step forward.
There are, however, three main areas that still need to be addressed: the public and private degradation of women, the reinforcement of confining gender roles through particular pe’ulot, and general lack of respect toward female campers and counselors. I will address each issue within the context of three separate extended examples.
Back in 2007, as most of you know, I was a Kerem counselor. For KTV, a few of my male campers decided to create a dance to the song “Rotzeh Banot” and to perform it in between acts. It was a wild success. Looking back, though, it’s embarrassing that my fellow counselors, upper staff, and I allowed this song to be played in front of the whole camp. This song, which is about a man trying to pick up women at a bar, is disrespectful, objectifying, and completely out of sync with the values camp supposedly endorses. The song starts with a list of women he wants to take back. The singer doesn’t really care who she is, so long as he gets at least one woman. Toward the end of the song, he says, “Fortunately, God created the right hand,” and goes on to say that he thinks about the same girls when he is masturbating, because in the last line of the song he sings, “Because in my imagination, they all want me.”[1] The message of the song is that women were created for men for the sole purpose of sex, and it is this sense of entitlement throughout the whole song that is most troubling. Now, I don’t particular care how popular the song was, or anything like that, I just want to ask the reader a legitimate question: is this the kind of song we, at Machaneh Yavneh, should be playing for Gurim kids? For Kfirim kids? For Kerem kids? How can we teach respect when we sing about objectification and treat sex as a game, or competition to prove one’s masculinity? That’s right, we can’t.
To be fair, over the past few years there has been increased awareness about issues of gender and respect for KTV. Members of upper staff have been actively monitoring all of the chosen KTV songs and make sure the content and skits performed by Kerem are appropriate. Yes, it is completely unacceptable for a song like Rotzeh Banot to fall though the cracks, but in general camp has done a good job.
Aside from preventing kids from singing Rotzeh Banot type songs on a stage, how else can we, as male and female counselors combat this degrading sentiment? It is extremely important not to be afraid to be assertive in those trickier situations. Do I think that a Kfirim girls’ counselor should take away all of her campers’ Seventeen magazines? No, definitely not. But maybe, instead of just having a "Terri Talk" about how little self-esteem girls have, maybe we could engage these extremely thoughtful 12-year-olds in a discussion about how magazines, movies, and other forms of media help promote messages of unattainable perfection. Maybe we could also talk about the type of words we used in the bunk, or the Chadar Ochel, or when we were picking out Shabbat clothes, and how that might make things better/worse. I think counselors are sometimes scared to confront these things so they either pretend they don't exist or deem them "inappropriate" topics for conversation. They're sensitive issues and need to be talked about with extreme care and discretion, but that doesn't mean they should be avoided or ignored.
To really have a comprehensive conversation about gender at camp and talk about subtle messages of inferiority that may be being sent to girls, I think we also have to address the religious traditions at camp. Just as girls should have leadership positions in KTV, etc., girls should also be able to participate fully in campwide tefillot (i.e. leading services, reading Torah, etc.). It has always seemed to me that the majority of people would not be offended. I'd love to hear what you think!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous-
ReplyDeleteI am really glad you brought this up. I do not actually address religious issues in the entire post (even though I should), and I would love to give you my thoughts.
Anyway, I completely, 100% agree with you. Girls should be able to lead and participate fully. I would love it if a girl were to lead Kabalat Shabbat. At least in the mechitza service where more people tend to care about davening (obviously a whole other issue) girls are not granted the opportunity that the boys are. Even for some aydot it can be a bunk bonding experience (insert K07 'sweep' of torah reading) that girls always miss out on.
I would love to see girls demand more of a role.
At every single meal the rosh da'at should have to find a girl and a boy to lead benching. Mandatory.
They should split up, girls and boys for davening more often. Why always divide into mechizta and egal? By splitting along the boys/girls line you can now grant the girls every opportunity the boys have.
Finally, and I firmly believe this, I think that using the model of Shira Chadasha in Jerusalem, we can and should allow women to daven with the whole camp, using a mechitza. Why not? 99% of the people there would be perfectly happy. I know i would be.
Does anyone have any more ideas?
Yoni,
ReplyDeleteAs you well know, I love that this topic is being broached. However (and I forget if we discussed this originally, my apologies if so), but I want to harp in an important point:
"I think counselors are sometimes scared to confront these things so they either pretend they don't exist or deem them "inappropriate" topics for conversation. They're sensitive issues and need to be talked about with extreme care and discretion, but that doesn't mean they should be avoided or ignored."
While I wholeheartedly agree that discussion is necessary, I would be scared to give counselors the authority to discuss something that they are very likely uneducated about (unless they are Becca or someone else who has had similar college classes). Discussion is good, but if we really want counselors, 18 year olds, to take the lead on these discussion, they need to be trained by professionals for a good deal of team in orientation and throughout the year. Discussing these things isn't just "matter of fact" and doesn't happen without consequence. It's critical that what comes out of the mouths of the counselors is self-assuring, educated, well-informed. And to expect counselors to discuss these things with campers who may even have more perspective is a scary thought.
(Just playing devil's advocate to conversation I think should be happening, just don't know if this solution would be appropriate, because of the aforementioned reasons.)
Becca, feel free to respond if you see this.
Thanks, guys! Excellent stuff all around.
Excuse the typos; there are several.
ReplyDeleteLee,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree, but I think there is a middle ground. Yoni is describing how counselors do not breach these topics, which is true. But, we dont want them to take leading role in dealing with these issues when they are just college kids who have no training.
But the counselors can take an active role in NOT engaging int the talk with the campers. With boy bunks, counselors often join in with their campers, and offer their opinions about counselors, past staff members, and current campers. If they aren't offering their own opinion they are sitting there laughing, and listening to the conversation. I have seen this in boy bunks but I imagine it occurs in younger and older girls bunks as well. I know because my own counselors were active members of these conversations. Although they cant confront the tough issues, I feel they could do a better job discouraging certain conversations and CERTAINLY not promoting them.
Maybe this is a middle ground we can reasonably expect from our madrichim.
Thanks for bringing it up Yoni
Lee, I totally, totally agree with you.
ReplyDeleteLast semester, I was a facilitator for a workshop focusing on unwanted consensual sex and the ways in which sexual violence is embedded within sexual culture. Facilitators participated in a long preparation session that was extremely thorough and comprehensive. Many facilitators were people who spend a lot of time involved in this kind of stuff. Others, who were less experienced and well-versed, also went through the training so they could be facilitators. The idea was that regardless of background, the training would be comprehensive enough to prepare people to lead their own discussions. What actually ended up happening, though, was that some facilitators struggled. They made comments that were subtly or explicitly victim-blaming, repeatedly tended toward heternormativity, and, in the worst cases, seemed to suggest things that simply did not meet standards of consent.
The point of this long-winded story is to say that YES, yes, and yes. You can't teach people how to think and talk sensitively, appropriately, and inclusively in a few hours. You certainly don't need to be a Women's Studies major to be able to do so--I've heard students majoring in WGSS make comments that failed to include in their own feminism women of color, or queer women, etc...and I know many students not devoting their academic careers to this who teach me that I still have lots to learn! In any case, I certainly do not expect madrichim, or upper staff, or even myself to be able to talk about stuff like this with campers and fellow counselors after a short training session during staff week (when everybody is half asleep). People need to discover that they, too, have a stake in this, and that this should matter to them, as well. That takes time.
There's also the aspect of training people to talk about sex/sexuality/gender not just sensitively and seriously...but also naturally and comfortably. The point of this is not so counselors go "OMG let's talk about what it means to be GAY." Different identities and ways of negotiating gender should be recognized, appreciated, and seen as natural. We need to learn to be more inclusive and accepting without fetishizing or sensationalizing differences and identity.
It's a challenge. Camp needs to train counselors to lead these formal, structured discussions, to notice and respond to the offensive comment at the lunch table, to answer the casual questions from campers with knowledge but also without making it a big, scary deal...and finally, to be on the lookout for structures within camp that are less than fully inclusive. Clearly, the challenge is enormous, and I'm not fully optimistic as to what extent this is feasible. It requires a huge initiative on the part of upper staff, which I think they do have to a certain extent. But I'd also argue that even upper staff might be resistant to encouraging counselors to talk about sexual identity and orientation, or slut-shaming, etc. I'm pretty sure I was told during staff week something about trying to avoid certain kinds of conversations like this, ones that went beyond mere biological/medical information. Perhaps they were right, considering they weren't giving us enough preparation to do these conversations well. The other issue, as some have already pointed out, is that underlying much of this is a religious subtext. And that, too, is going to be very hard to change without fierce resistance among some, in regards to both formal procedures and an informal culture that values boys' participation in camp religious life over girls' participation--whether they're the shlichei tzibur, the ones leading shabbat singing, or the ones NOT giving a superficial, token dvar torah during musaf.
Again, you’re totally right. Preparing counselors to be role models in this regard is not a one-shot deal. And at this point, I'm not sure whether the motivation to make such a long-term commitment is there.
Becca,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the thoughtful and comprehensive response. It's unfortunate there are so many "unsures" in a situation like this. While Yoni and you do your best to offer (very good) solutions, and as much as the religious factor is included, there are so many societal expectations and a huge groundwork at play that extends way beyond the camp atmosphere. The place for "change" probably isn't a two-month space, but it can certainly act as a place for progression, open-mindedness, and an inclusive environment for all.
I don't mean to be sounding like too much of a pessimist here (and, honestly, I have seen a lot of positive change over the years at camp, probably due to external factors above all else). It's not to say that camp shouldn't TRY to make the change - of course they should - but their resources are limited and they come in to the game very late - at an interstices of campers' and counselors' lives.
It's a difficult process which challenges many ideologies, both religious and non. My general feeling is that, realistically, camp will change as society changes. The sooner people come to see these issues outside of camp, where they also play just as big a role, if not bigger, in school and home life, the sooner camp will change. Individuals are being exposed to more and more situations that stray from "the norm" and while many of us look further than merely a gender dichotomy (it's so much more than just two ends), others are just beginning to see, or don't want to see that gender is structured and essentialized.
The more work we put into it, the more results we'll get out of it, but those results may not be what we hope for. As you said, Becca -- it's a huge undertaking for all of us (those inside and outside of camp, Judaism, etc.) to see it, believe it, and BE it.
By the way, places like these that capture the attention of a specific audience are HUGE in starting the conversation and moving in the right direction. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy is it an inexplorable possibility that girls tend to be less funny than boys. I know that this idea may have potentially repugnant conclusions, however it seems to be at least a valuable activity to at least root out this conclusion in support of your greater argument. The reason I think that this idea might have merit is based on my own observations of yavneh as a camper myself.
ReplyDeleteBoys, especially in kerem, seem to have tighter interpersonal bonds than girls. Boys rarely had any drama, and when it did arise, it was usually resolved quickly. While my perspective of our female counterparts is admittedly limited, I was able to observe that girls tended to have more drama and held grudges (some which lasted even until after the summer.) Moreover, during the night, almost everyone in our bunk usually congregated in the lounge and bonded over jokes, stories, music, etc... I asked the girls about their nightly routine and to my surprise they said that they formed smaller cliques and often, in groups of three or four, gossiped about eachother. In this example, the boys clearly exhibited a stronger group dynamic as we sat as an entire bunk and respected eachother whereas the females were separated and put each other down. As a result of the boys' closeness, I feel that we were funnier as we were able to run jokes by eachother more frequently and often responded positively to eachother in comical situations out of respect for the bunk dynamic as a whole. I feel that the closeness experienced by the boys that makes us more funny as a whole. While the girls seemed fixated on breaking eachother down and sparking drama, boys focused on joking around and comraderie.
Yoni, don't immediately question my point of view after reading this. Lets be honest, you've read a couple articles on heteronormativity or feminism and think you're an expert on the subject in camp setting. You have just as limited a perspective on females as I do. I am merely providing an explanation for one thing you criticize. Moreover, I am not nearly as separated from the campers as you are because I was in kerem a couple of years ago so I have a way better understanding of the sources of the problems than you do. I hope you read this post and think about it deeply, and reconsider your unfair, scathing criticism of boys at yavneh.
I don't think that the types of jokes that the boys tell have anything to do with their bunk bonding. The jokes that they tell having to do with the previous night's discussion arent funny to anyone but the boys. The girls often find those jokes annoying, and the jokes that the camp finds funny for things like KTV are things that pertain to the whole camp. This past summer, one of the KTV videos that was made by five kerem boys was only cool to them, and nobody else thought the video was exciting at all. I dont even think that many people remember it as much as some of the other ones that were universally humorous.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the kerem girls definitely also have nightly bonding times in the lounge, and only later on in the night do they break up to their closest friends to talk, which obviously has to happen at some point to get to your bed.
GK is like a family! last year when we were split we still insisted on being G34 because we didnt want to be separated. our bunk is so trusting and i feel comfortable talking to anyone about anything. girls are only "not funny" because they have low self esteem from always being told that hey are not.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of "breaking each other down and sparking drama," think that it is pretty rare that people at camp would have such negative intentions. It is unfair to generalize by gender while ever person and every Kerem is different.
ReplyDelete