Making Camp a Safer Space: Sex, Gender, Language, and the Value of Respect (4/4)

I already gave an example how poor judgment in 2007 led to campers’ singing “Rotzeh Banot” in front of the whole camp. However, that same year (and the year before), the rosh of Kerem 07 did something positive as Kerem Rosh that I, unfortunately, did not have the courage to do or even to suggest. He convinced his Kerem campers that putting zoogs on the plaque was an inappropriate thing to do. If you were to look at the Maalot ’06 plaque, the only zoogs would be in-bunk best friends, and if the 2007 plaque were to exist (completely another story), there would have been no zoogs at all.  As I sit back and write this now, I am ashamed that I not only allowed my campers to put zoogs on the plaque, but I also let them include my name. For me, there are a few issues I have with zoogs on plaques.

First, plaques encourage an atmosphere of unhealthy pressure and sexual competition.  If I were to put a voice recorder in the Maalot or Kerem bunk, I’d certainly get many, many variations on the same theme: 

“Come on, hookup with her for the plaque. You will be enshrined forever.” These types of comments play off of the notion of “looking up,” which I wrote about in my post on camp traditions:

“They read, reread, and re-reread every single plaque in these buildings. They represent a portal into the past, a “synopsis” of that particular year. To creators and the readers of the plaque, this is what Yavneh represents, the names and the memories of past campers.” - The Meaning of Tradition

Thus, a hookup becomes an unquestionably necessary, super important experience for boys to undergo, primarily as a way for them to “earn their spot” on a plaque.  This undue stress on the importance of the hookup creates an unhealthy environment of sexual pressure.  In day-to-day conversations in the boys’ bunks, the plaque is used as a tool to pressure other boys to hook up with others, even if they may feel uncomfortable about doing it.  Plaques put undue pressure on kids who may not be ready to engage in certain sexual behaviors, or who might just feel uncomfortable publicizing what they would like to be private moments. However, the plaque system seems to insist that if you are a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old boy, then you 1) should be hooking up, and 2) should want to tell people about it.  There is also often a group mindset among the boys’ bunks that they, collectively, have to set a new “hookup record.” On the other hand, I know of a few counselors in the past that would sit down with their campers and have a serious talk about these issues. It is too bad that these counselors are in the minority.

Granted, girls’ bunks also often make their own plaques. But the hookup prestige works according to a sexual double standard.  Plaques socially elevate the boys who hook up with a lot of people but shame girls who do the same. Certainly, this double standard exists beyond Yavneh, but plaques and the hookup culture at camp tend to reinforce the double standard rather than attempt to weaken it. Boys who go through the Kerem bunk can recite with reverence the boys who have had many zoogs during the summer, but these same boys will laugh at and insult the girls who appear multiple times. No male counselors worry or become concerned when their campers engage in multiple hookups over the course of a summer, but if a girl does, she often earns a negative reputation, and is questioned about her self-confidence by her friends, counselors and sometimes even by upper staff. Again, I know that girls make plaques and put zoogs on them, but the culture of competition, objectification, and disrespect is much less present among girls’ bunks.

So, as a counselor, what can be done? Counselors must recognize that their campers are growing into their own sexuality and that they can play an active and productive role in teaching them to be proud of themselves physically and emotionally and not be scared or ashamed of whom they are.  This means that if one of their campers goes on a Shabbat walk, or kisses, or hooks up with someone, that perhaps it shouldn't just be something for the counselors to gossip over at their next staff meeting. Rather, a counselor might ask the camper about it. Certainly, not in a judgmental, or angry, or even hyper-worried tone--but in a way that demonstrates their presence as a supportive and more experienced ally.  Teens can engage in sexual behaviors for a variety of reasons, and it should be a counselor's job to help discern that. Ultimately though, tradition or not, from now on, plaques need to be created without zoogs on them for both boys and girls. Maalot and Kerem madrichim … the responsibility lies with you.

It is clear from the past few months, and of course from the past 14 years, that I absolutely love Yavneh. It has given me so much, and taught me so much about myself. I feel it is the best place for any Jewish youngster who is interested in camp. However, it is not perfect. In my mind, Yavneh needs to be a place that is safe from intolerance, objectification, and sexism. Right now, some traditions and structures at camp are inappropriate and need to be changed. More than anyone else, it is the male counselors who need to assume the role to make sure these changes take place, and the female counselors to play an active role in promoting this change. Maybe it’s too much to ask of 18, 19 and 20 year olds. But I hope it isn’t.