Making Camp a Safer Space: Sex, Gender, Language, and the Value of Respect (1/4)

This is post one of four. The next three will be published:

Sunday, April 3rd

Thursday, April 7th

Tuesday, April 12th

This post was inspired by conversations with and a large part written by, Rebecca Suldan, a longtime Yavneh attendee from Baltimore, Maryland. She is currently a Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies major at Yale, who will serve on the board of the Yale Women's Center next year, and organizes Cookies and Tea, an informal discussion group for Jewish women on campus. She helped me write this piece because as much as she loves camp, she wishes that at times, it could be a safer, more inclusive space. You can reach her at rebecca.suldan@gmail.com with comments or questions.

DISCLAIMER: First, due to the nature of this post (and the next three), I would like to reiterate that my views and opinions are mine, and mine alone, and do not reflect those of Camp Yavneh. Second, the issues I will discuss are in no way unique to Yavneh, or camping in general. Finally, please do not take this post out of the context of the rest of the mission of my blog. I love camp. Period. Even though it is not perfect (as I will highlight) I still feel 100% comfortable being there and potentially sending my kids there as well. In addition, please direct your concerns and questions to either Becca or me, (even though the entry is written from my perspective) and remember, what I say here is an attempt to highlight places for improvement at Yavneh, not carelessly criticize with no objective in mind.

I would like to start off with a story from one of my summers at camp. My bunk was having the ‘beginning of the month’ meeting, where the counselors and kids go over bunk rules. As is typical for older bunks, the counselors guided the conversation but let the kids suggest the rules. One kid raised his hand and said, “We all know how we were last year, guys.  We have to respect our girls.”  Having heard this line before, the rest of the bunk agreed, with the exception of one camper.  He responded with something along the lines of, “Just by using the word ‘our,’ we imply possession of the girls.”  At the time, his bunkmates dismissed his comment as a mere technicality and a typical thing for this camper to say. I, too, didn’t really give it much thought then, but as I think about it now, his remark strikes me as spot on. “Our” does imply ownership.  In this case, the boys assumed that the girls in the aydah were theirs to take and use at their whim, and that they alone could decide whether to use them or not. One might argue that I’m reading into this single word too much.  In response, though, I’d say that anyone who has walked into a Maalot or Kerem boys’ bunk at night knows how disgusting the language that the boys use while talking about girls can be. When girls find out about these conversations, they often become upset or embarrassed – and rightfully so.  In using such language, these boys, most often aware of its hurtful and objectifying nature, exercise control and power over female campers.  They exercise the “right” to define, label, and judge them.

Before I continue, let’s step back for a moment. What is the difference between boys and girls? Sex? Gender? Both? At camp, issues of gender and sex play an enormous role in structuring interactions among campers, counselors, and staff. It’s worth clarifying the difference between the two terms.  Sex, on the one hand, is biological—hormones, chromosomes, genitals, and genes.  Gender, on the other hand, refers to the social and cultural patterns of behavior, identity, and attitudes.  Gender is acquired and learned. Boys are not born with a “Tonka trucks gene” and girls with a “Disney princess gene.”  In the past century, we have come to think of gender as something that is not fixed and immutable but rather as something constructed.  Instead of saying, “All boys like sports and all girls like clothes,” or, “Boys are hornier than girls,” we might ask, “How are boys and girls taught and socialized to behave and present themselves differently?”

That is not to say that gender is irrelevant or unimportant.  Under our society’s current construction of gender, men and women are still expected to dress, think, and behave in certain ways according to prescribed gender roles.  Boys may not be born with a “Tonka trucks gene,” but they are considered deviant if they choose Barbies over action figures.  Likewise, girls who are too aggressive, also challenge what is expected of their gender.  Gender roles are often especially confining in regards to romantic or sexual encounters, which are often discussed in the context of a “sexual script.”  According to this script, boys who hookup with lots of girls improve their reputations and social standings, whereas girls who are sexually active risk earning the “slut” label.

This all being said, I know that we have made much progress in the past hundred, fifty, even twenty years. Still, much work remains

The point of this extended introduction is to provide a lens with which to examine issues of gender, sex, and sexual encounters at camp.  To what extent do both counselors and camp traditions reinforce these essentializing views of boys and girls?  To what extent is camp perhaps not a safe space for those exploring their sexual or gender identity?  How can the counselors and staff collectively be a proactive force in creating a safe space for all campers?

Finally, I know that camp dynamics are shaped in great part by a larger American culture, and that it is incredibly difficult to prevent all gender norms and sexual scripts from having an influence. No single rule or program will be able to change the way society as a whole thinks about gender and sex.  Admittedly, camp is not the place to change the world in this regard … but it can be a better place for campers for the four or eight weeks they are there.  Camp should and must be a safe space, regardless of campers’ gender. Too often, however, this safe space is challenged and undermined by the words and actions of other campers and counselors, and by a few of the programs and policies of Yavneh itself.  Hopefully, in addressing these problems, we can work on improving both camp policies and our own individual behaviors and attitudes.